Script Update Fifth Draft

I'm toying with the idea of adding a page to the comic at the end. It'll totally change the tone of the story and potentially destroys the character arc but it feels better to me. I'll need to get some feedback.

Here it is :

PAGE 1 (5 panels)

PANEL 1

Long wide panel, close up of sandaled feet running on the ground.

CAPTION

I never thought I would live through my first battle let alone experience and live through such things as I have in the last 5 days.

CENTURION

Keep going! They’re right behind us!

PANEL 2

We focus on a small group of the romans breaking off from the main force. The are heading towards a forest.

CAPTION

Our forces were unable to break the Cimbrian defense and we fled...

FLAVIUS

This way! We’ll lose them in the woods!

File Setup

I've scanned and set up the files in Clip Studio. I've sorted out all the footery stuff - added panel borders, moved around some of the compositions, added a panel here and there and set up the word balloons and caption boxes. 

I'll still be flexible as I work on each page if things need moved around or edited more but at this point I can start penciling.

This is the second time I've been working on the layouts, got to page 12 and been too tired to rough in that fight panel. Better sort that tomorrow!

The Protagonist

Blasius. Happy with him. Might still try some different things with the Roman armour though. The shoulder pad things are quite annoying to draw and get looking good.

Layouts

Here's my rough layouts for the story. The hard part is done! It's mostly drawing from here on out. They'll all definitely be tweaked some once I start penciling. The last ones are pretty rough too. I forced them out when I was needing a break and I was consciously aware that they were turning out a bit worse than the earlier ones - in terms of the layouts and the drawing being more scribbly. I'll make a start on the penciling later this week hopefully and change each page as needed as I work through them.

Demon Concepts

Here's some more final-ish concepts of the demons. They don't appear for 3 or so pages so I can still play around with the designs for a week or so yet but I don't think they will be changing much from this look.

References

Initially I was thinking ape-like creatures for the demons. I think chimpanzees are generally horrifying and that it's weird that people sometimes think they look cute or friendly. After the first batch of concepts I'm starting to have doubts. I think my creatures need to look more unearthly/demonic.

Concepts

Some concept work. Something is bugging me about the demons. Definitely not there yet. I'll need to try something a bit different. 

Script 4th Draft

PAGE 1 (5 panels)

PANEL 1

Long wide panel, close up of sandaled feet running on the ground.

CAPTION

I never thought I would live through my first battle let alone experience and live through such things as I have in the last 5 days.

CENTURION

Keep going! They’re right behind us!

PANEL 2

We focus on a small group of the romans breaking off from the main force. The are heading towards a forest.

CAPTION

Our forces were unable to break the Cimbrian defense and we fled...

FLAVIUS

This way! We’ll lose them in the woods!

Script 3rd Draft

Also gone is the boring hunting exposition page. It has become a caption on panel one of the next page. I'm down to 12 pages now which is good. I still feel I need to do something with the wandering the forest page so maybe there will be another draft but I need to think about it.

PAGE 1 (5 panels)

PANEL 1

Long wide panel, close up of sandaled feet running on the ground.

CAPTION

I never thought I would live through my first battle let alone experience and live through such things as I have in the last 5 days.

CENTURION

Keep going! They’re right behind us!

PANEL 2

We focus on a small group of the romans breaking off from the main force. The are heading towards a forest.

CAPTION

Our forces were unable to break the Cimbrian defense and we fled...

FLAVIUS

This way! We’ll lose them in the woods!

Script 2nd Draft

2nd Draft. The opening battle scene is gone. It works better to start with the chase sequence and it didn't add anything other than exposition. Some minor changes elsewhere. The centurion that survives at the end is now Crispus the guy who was going to kill Blasius on page 2.

PAGE 1 (5 panels)

PANEL 1

Long wide panel, close up of sandaled feet running on the ground.

CAPTION

I never thought I would live through my first battle let alone experience and live through such things as I have in the last 5 days.

CENTURION

Keep going! They’re right behind us!

PANEL 2

We focus on a small group of the romans breaking off from the main force. The are heading towards a forest.

CAPTION

Our forces were unable to break the Cimbrian defense and we fled...

FLAVIUS

This way! We’ll lose them in the woods!

Script 1st Draft

1st draft of the script. I'm fairly happy with it but there are a couple of sequences that were bothering me as I wrote it. 

PAGE 1 (4 Panels)

PANEL 1

Large panel to include the title/credits.

An epic battle between Roman Legionnaires and Germanic Cimbri warriors. Swords strike deep and limbs fly off as the warriors step over their fallen comrades to reach their next opponent

CAPTION

I never thought I would live through my first battle let alone experience and live through such things as I have in the last 5 days.

CAPTION

I remember the sick feeling in my gut, the mix of nerves, adrenaline and fear, as our legion, under the command of Consul Quintus Servilius Caepio, assaulted the camp of the migrating Germanic Army,  the Cimbri.

CAPTION

True Roman warriors fought for their lives that day.

PANEL 2

Smaller panel.

Shot of Blasius lying on the ground pretending to be dead as Barbarians run past him.

CAPTION

Whilst I, to my great shame, did my best to stay out of harm's way.

Plot

Here's how I broke the story down before writing the script:

Negative - Dishonour Positive Alive

Act 1

• Scene 1 Negative Fighting/Fleeing/Terrified - Resting/Safe/Relieved Positive - 2 pages A battle is taking place between the Roman army and a barbarian army on the fringes of their territory. The battle has raged all day.  A cavalry charge from the barbarians finally turns the tide and we see the Romans being cut down and eventually routed. A small group of the soldiers break off from the main routing force and head towards a nearby forest for refuge. They are pursued by barbarian infantry. Inside the forest the soldiers find themselves still pursued. Silhouettes of the enemy infantry above them against the dusk sky at the edges of the forest but strangely they don’t seem to be entering deep in pursuit.. One of the romans spots a thick mist up ahead. The lead roman, an officer named Flavius orders the men into the mist to lose their pursuing  enemies. They pass through the mist and find themselves still in the forest when they emerge from the other side. There is a moment of respite.

The Lost Legionnaire

Hello! So I am back at University again. This blog is for the Comics Creation module on the MDes Comics and Graphic Novels at Dundee Uni.

I'll be creating a short comic here over the next 3 months and updating this blog to frequently with progress. I am also considering streaming the page creation process as well. 

It's called "The Lost Legionnaire".

Here's some initial sketches.